The road to hell is paved with good conventions.  Anon

I went to the University of Rochester.  I learned to play bridge in college - I guess it turned out to be a trade school.  Anonymous professional director overheard at Pittsburgh NABC
 

It's not enough to win the tricks that belong to you.  Try also for some that belong to the opponents.Alfred Sheinwold
 

The real test of a bridge player isn't in keeping out of trouble, but in escaping once he's in. Alfred Sheinwold
 

The trouble with women is that they treat bridge as a game.  They do not realize it is a war. Anon
 

If you have the slightest touch of masochism you'll love this game. Anon
 

We believe that contract is particularly attractive to people with a scrappy disposition. Frank Perkins
 

It's not the skill that drops off with age, it's the drive, the killer instinct..and when a man isn't primed to kill he makes mistakes. Anon
 

Bridge is a great comfort in your old age.  It also helps you get there faster. Anon
 

One gets use to abuse.  It's waiting for it that is so trying. Rueful Rabbit
 

Since the average person's small supply of politeness must last him all his life, he can't afford to waste it on bridge partners. Alfred Sheinwold
 

Bridge is essentially a social game, but unfortunately it attracts a substantial number of antisocial people. Alan Truscott
 

One advantage of bad bidding is that you get practice at playing atrocious contracts. Alfred Sheinwold
 

Where's the hand you held during the auction?
A comment Jan Janitschke has made when dummy hits.
 

South:  Alert!
East:     Yes?
South:   I'm requested to further mis-describe my hand.
 

It is not the handling of difficult hands that makes the winning player. There aren't enough of them.  It is the ability to avoid messing up the easy ones. Alan Sontag
 

 Most bridge players prefer consistency in their partners rather than brilliance. Matthew Granovetter
 

The sum of all technical knowledge cannot make a master contract player.
 Ely Culbertson
 

A knowledge of the mechanics will suffice to put a player in a commanding position in the post-mortem.  To become a member of the upper crust calls for more, much more.  Resilience, imagination, occasional flashes of inspiration, these are the hallmarks of quality. And this transcends the realm of science. Victor Mollo
 

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Anon
 

Card sense is when it's technically right to do something, the little man that sits on my shoulder or anyone else's shoulder says, "Don't do that."
 And you say to yourself, "Well, wait a minute, that's the right way to play."
 And he says, "Yeah, but you don't wanna play that way."  That instinct is card sense.  It's almost an ability to feel where the cards are.  It's something that you can't buy, you can't find; you're born with.  The ability to do the right thing at the wrong time or  really to do the wrong thing at the right time. Barry Crane
 

I'm not sure whether glory or master points is first on the list, but I know
 learning to play better is definitely last. Eddie Kantar

I'd like a review of the bidding with all the original inflections.
 

The average defender operates in a fog of uncertainty. H. W. Kelsey
 

Regardless of what sadistic impulses we may harbor, winning bridge means  helping partner avoid mistakes.  Frank Stewart
 

A player who can't defend accurately should try to be declarer. Alfred Sheinwold
 

The real secret of the expert is to make logic seem like flair. Hugh Kelsey
 

If you play bridge with your wife as partner, you need at least 20 points to open, and it wouldn't hurt to have 25. Joe James
 

Learn from the mistakes of others.  You won't live long enough to make them all yourself. Alfred Sheinwold
 

I favor light opening bids.  When you're my age, you're never sure they're going to get back to you in time. Oswald Jacoby at 77
 

Years ago there were only two acceptable excuses for not leading the suit your partner had opened; having no cards in the suit, and sudden death.
 Alfred Sheinwold
 

I think we're all a little masochistic.  Otherwise, why would we continue to play bridge? Anon
 

We had a partnership misunderstanding.  My partner assumed I knew what I was doing. Anon
 

My partner is 20 years behind the times.  Nowadays you pay your money to bid.  My partner still thinks you need cards. Anon
 

Your play was much better tonight, and so were your excuses. Anon
 

We play forcing hesitations. Anon
 

A fellow had made a bad bid and gone for 1400.  "I'm sorry," he said  to his  partner, "I had a card misplaced."  Asked his partner innocently,
"Only one card?" Charles Goren
 

If I did everything right, I wouldn't be playing with you! Anon
 

When I take a 50-50 chance I expect it to come off 8 or 9 times out of10.
 Hideous Hog